The life of a hater

I used to be a hater. I'm serious, I really was. I couldn't be happy for anyone, I had the hardest time dishing out compliments, and I was constantly talking badly about people for no good reason. Good people. People doing great things in their lives for themselves and for others. People who were happy. People who were in love. People who loved their life. I hated on them all. I found any annoying little habit, nuance, physical imperfection, or deviation from the norm about any awesome person and amplified it in my mind times a gazillion to make them appear a lot less cool. 

Why?

Because I was envious. Because my life lacked self-love and both the understanding and appreciation of the entire concept of self-love.  

And that my friends, is the simple truth behind why anyone ever hates on good people. Let me break it down for you. When your life is not going the way you want it to, it is very difficult to celebrate happiness and joy in other people's lives. So what do you do instead? You talk shit about them. Total meaningless garbage just to make yourself feel better. And it works, temporarily. You start to convince yourself that they really are not as intelligent, beautiful, capable, inspiring, or lovable as they seem. You do it until you mentally bring them down to your level because if you can't be happy, then no one else can be either. At least, that's what it feels like. Some people don't go this route. A lot of people start to retreat within themselves. They are shy, lack energy, and usually don't have anything positive to talk about. I went through that phase too...after living as a hater for many years. Because, life as a hater is extremely exhausting.  

It is also very lonely. And it's sad. It's a sad, sad life. When you've reached the point of giving up on yourself, the full hater in you shines because you start hating on yourself. You become full of negative, self-sabotaging thoughts and they begin to eat you alive from the inside out. The only relief comes from allowing them to feed on others. So you internalize your own self-hatred and it becomes a part of your character in a sense. People used to tell me I was a bitch...in a "funny way." What? I was a funny bitch? Believe it or not I actually liked the title of bitch. It was empowering. It felt like a role I could live up to. It's probably a good idea to note that when you get to the point of enjoying your life as a bitch, you are likely on complete emotional shutdown mode.

And I was. I had no sense of what I wanted in life anymore because I felt undeserving. My relationships were toxic, my behavior was toxic, my attitude was toxic, and my habits were toxic. I was letting the unhappiness poison my life. And instead of surrounding myself with people who could lift me up, inspire me, and help me...I found comfort in other poisoned souls. I was completely codependent and it sucked me down a deep, dark hole that seemed literally impossible to escape. I chose the easy route. Instead of facing my fears, my insecurities, and my demons I let them console me in my darkness. Instead of living my own life and fighting for the things I wanted for myself, I gave all of my energy to others. I did it because it kept me feeling like I was doing something good, like I was trying, but in reality I wasn't doing any good for anyone...especially for me.

It wasn't until I made a life-changing, selfish decision to leave everything and everyone behind and move across the globe to Australia for an entire year that I discovered how brave, capable, intelligent, deserving, strong, beautiful, and loving I really was. I wasn't a bitch. That was just a facade. And I didn't actually enjoy being a bitch, that was part of the role I took on to mask the underlying truth. I was a hater because it was easier to pretend like I didn't want change in my life. I was a hater because it was easier to settle and be complacent. I was a hater because I was so scared of being judged for the deterioration and damage I felt I had allowed into my life.  I was a hater because I was afraid to ask for help. I was a hater because I didn't believe in myself or my future and I didn't know how to. I was a hater because that's what it felt like I was supposed to do.

Incredible things happen when you finally admit to yourself that you want change in your life. And even more amazing things happen when you admit that to others and take action towards that change. No one deserves to be unhappy. No one wants to be unhappy. No one actually wants to be a hater. The best thing you can do for a hater is empower them. Don't play the game with them. Kill them with kindness. Nurture their soul until they're drowning in positivity. For every negative thing they have to say, come at them with two positive things. Respond to them with things that actually matter. But don't give too much of yourself. End it there. And let them know you don't stand behind talking badly about or judging others. Period. Be firm. Don't laugh when they joke around about people in a hateful way. This just reinforces the behavior. Haters look for acceptance and if you provide it, it adds fuel to the fire. They don't want to be singled out or called out. There's nothing worse to a hater than a reality check from a trusted outside source. Especially when that type of feedback is consistently being delivered. It's absolutely crushing. But it's exactly what they need to hear. 

Enter your email address to subscribe to my blog:

Chae Fields

Eat Suite, 812 San Pablo Avenue, Pinole, CA, 94564

?2015 Eat Suite | all rights reserved